Octavio Roylance: With only 5 deluxe ant farms, a submarine periscope, and 13 raw steaks(and you have to fill the ant farms with water that has a little blue dye in it.) and Voila! Your child can look like a one-eyed, underwater alien creature while he waits in the car for you when you're shopping,Okay, okay, Sorry, I'm just getting the hang of it, let's see...1 wholeâ€"Chupacabra (brainwashed) 1/4 cupâ€"whole navel oranges1 tspâ€"chupacabra zest (colored marshmallows may be substituted)2 cupsâ€"fresh squeezed chickens milk5 largeâ€"eggplants (unprepared)1 tbspâ€"dihydrogen monoxide1/2 tspâ€"TSPSneak up on Eggplants so they are totally unprepared, dice and drain and place in a medium saucepan set to 19° kelvin. Peel and eat the oranges. Mix tylenol, barn owl droppings and vanilla extract in a large mixing bowl and whip til frotty, slowly incorporate dry ingredients until stiff peaks form. Thoroughly brainwash chupacabra and let cool in the sun over night for about an hou! r. Simmer in a pan about half full of kittens for 3 seconds and serve at once. You've just prepared a delicious dinner for 7 of:EGGPLANT CHUPACABRA!Wait, wait too long, I know, I know, that wasn't it. Okay okay...A paintball gun full of kiwis, an industrial grade meat separator, and any disliked female relative (male relative may be substituted if inverted) and you have a perfect party or picnic substitute for the traditional piñata!No, no, no Jeez this is a tough one Bill! but I'll get it, here goes...Forty or fifty pieces of black gum scraped off the sidewalk, a human foot, and a jar of dijonaisse makes hors D'ouvres for a reception of 43!ALMOST! I've almost got it...wait, was that one right? No. Okay, one more time. Hold on I think I've got it this time...An 18" x 24" picture frame, some blue construction paper and matching duct tape (18 rolls), and a years supply of botox and you can make a realistic 3-D selfportrait!Look, I'm gonna have to come back to this one, but I! can do it I swear...An air compressor, a summer dress, a very! amenable girlfriend is all you need to make The Headless, Hairy-Chested, Upside-Down Woman Costume.Yes! Now i've got the hang of it!4,000 gerbils, 200 tubes of crazy glue, and 4,000 strike anywhere matches and you've got yourself a miniature replica of a Grateful Dead concert audience.A monster truck, an unhappy woman ignoring you, and a loud obnoxious voice are all perfect ways of announcing to the world, unequivocally, that you have a small penis.Wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, driving an Oldsmobile, while hanging a walking stick out the window and tapping the ground, with a seeing eye dog sitting shotgun with his paws glued to his eyes. will get other drivers to yield the right of way every time.A 3 inch piece of wire, a stick of gum, and an invalid credit card is all you need to make people think your about to do what McGyver would do.A bag of Purina Cat Chow, a trench coat, and a pair of pant legs and you'll be the worlds first flashing pet-o-phile.A box of chalk, ! a pair of sneakers, and an intergalactic transporter are all you need to play hopscotch with aliens from another galaxy.A cigarette lighter, a battery powered DVD player, and a time machine are all you need to rule the world...for a while....Show more
Elfreda Grossen: I'm going to a family wedding this weekend. I think I'll try your pinata recipe.Here's a couple more ideas I thought of:A 10 lb. sack of flour wrapped in plastic and salthered in vaseline, latex gloves, hospital gown and surgeon's mask are all you need to teach a birthing reception class for midwives.A PHd in Philosophy, a paper hat and a RF telephone headset are the essential ingredients for a drive-thru window operator at Sartre-in-the-Box or Carl's (Jung) Jr....Show more
Jasper Mangel: Not being any kind of fan of Martha Stewart I got my favorite recipe for Goulash from her TV show. It's incredibly simple and incredibly good. Equal amounts, by weight of yellow onions and meat. Meat should be a! cheap cut like a chuck roast curt into bite size chunks. Brown the mea! t and take it out of the pan. Put in your large cut onions and slowly start them cooking. When they have turned a golden translucent, add the meat back in. For every pound of meat add a heaping tablespoon of hungarian paprika. The standard kind in the red cans ( Pride of Szeged I think) Salt and pepper and more paprika to taste. Cook for 1/2 hour or more. Serve over boiled potatos. Simple as heck and very good. It is important NOT to cook the potatos in with the goulash. It ruins the flavor. This recipe does not call for garlic, tomatos or wine or anything else. Sometimes I add them, sometimes I dont. Strange that Martha could come up with such a simple recipe that doesnt call for fancy schmancy ingredients or techniques and still tastes excellent....Show more
